Helping shy child come out of their shell can be difficult and needs to be handled delicately, especially if your child suffers from social anxiety.

Many young children are naturally shy when experiencing new situations. But what do you do if you have an extremely shy child? What if shyness prevents her from interacting with—and having fun with—other children? What if being very shy prevents her from participating in activities at preschool or kindergarten?

Shyness is a developmentally normal and common characteristic among young children. It’s a natural response to what may seem like a scary or overwhelming situation. But shyness is difficult to address because it’s a mixture of emotions. Shyness can include fear, tension, apprehension, and anxiety.

Different levels of shyness can occur throughout a child’s development, according to early childhood experts. For example, infants are naturally fearful of new adults. And at age 4 or 5, children can develop self-conscious shyness, or the fear of embarrassment.

Shyness may be caused by a combination of factors but commonly it will have been passed on to a child by their parents. As with most of these things, no one’s sure whether that’s genetic or by example, or a bit of both. It may also be shaped by other sorts of parental attitudes – where they are overprotective, for example – and other family relationships, such as those with domineering siblings.

Usually, shyness gradually goes away as children grow older and experience a variety of new situations. But the child with extreme shyness may take a lot longer to warm up to people or situations. She might need your help to overcome her shyness.

What Can I do to Help Empowering My Extremely Shy Child?

As a parent or caregiver, you can gently encourage your child to become more outgoing. Keep in mind that your child isn’t being shy out of stubbornness, so she shouldn’t be punished for shy behavior. Instead, consider dealing with shyness as any other learning process, such as learning to read. The key is to be patient, gentle, and understanding with your child as you boost her confidence. Here are some tips for helping your extremely shy child:

1. Don’t label your child as “shy.” When you label your child as “shy,” you’re doing two things. First, you’re stripping him of his many other qualities and allowing the label to define his personality. Second, you’re encouraging him to view himself as “shy.” This can cause him to act out the “shy” role without making an effort to change. Instead of labeling, try to describe your child’s behavior in ways that don’t include the word “shy.” For example, you can say, “Sam just needs some time to get used to new situations” or “He likes to observe what is happening around him before joining in.”

2. Teach her social skills  You can teach your child many social skills that can help her overcome shyness. You can teach her how to meet new people, greet others, initiate conversations, join in play
make eye contact, be a good listener. You can use puppets, action figures, or dolls to role-play different situations.

3. Explain the benefits of being more outgoing. Chances are, you were once a very shy child. Or, you may still be shy in certain situations. A predisposition to shyness has been linked to genetics, although this trait can be overcome. If this is the case, give a personal example of a time when you overcame shyness. Explain why that experience was good for you. Discuss the good things that will come from acting more outgoing. These things can include making new friends, having more fun, and enjoying school more.

4. Praise outgoing behavior.  Reinforce the new social skills your child is learning. When you see her attempting to overcome shyness, praise her with lots of warmth and affection. Be careful not to do this in public if your child is likely to be embarrassed. Instead, tell her how well she has done in private.

5. Model outgoing behavior. Your child learns how to act in large part by watching you. So, be sure to act friendly toward others in front of your child. This might be difficult if you have struggled to overcome extreme shyness yourself. But keep in mind that your child is likely to imitate your actions. If you act shy in front of him, then he will have a more difficult time overcoming his own shyness.

6. Build your child’s self esteem. Children who feel good about themselves are less likely to be shy. Identify your child’s strengths and build on them. Is he creative? Is she athletic? Encouraging these skills will allow your child to see himself as a talented and capable individual. This sense of confidence can help him become braver in social situations.

7. Imagine others’ perspective It takes kids many years to learn to imagine how someone else might feel in a particular situation. To support your child’s perspective-taking skills, talk with you’re your child about thoughts and feelings as they come up in daily life or in books, TV shows, or movies. Talking about feelings helps kids label and understand inner experience. Mentally putting themselves in other people’s shoes can guide kids in how to get along. Looking outward, by focusing on helping others feel comfortable can also help shy kids break free of paralyzing self-focus.

8. Communicate with teachers. If your child attends preschool or kindergarten, team up with the teachers. Create a plan together for helping your child overcome his shyness. Talk frequently about the strategies you’re using at home. Work together to set goals for your child. With a consistent approach both at home and at school, you can increase the results of your efforts.

It can take awhile for reputations to change. Peers may not notice immediately when your child has turned over a new leaf. Express your faith in your child’s ability to grow and learn. With guidance and persistent effort, your child can begin to build connections with other kids.