How to Handle Stubborn Toddler?
Handling behavior from a stubborn toddler can be frustrating for parents. You would feel as though you and your toddler are speaking different languages. Toddlers often say “no” to requests and directions and, when you insist, they can become defiant. When they’re stuck on saying “no,” it’s easy to get annoyed and threaten them or force them to cooperate, or to just give in and do the task yourself, which is also not the answer. Here are a few ways you can avoid tantrums and get your toddler to listen to you:
When you ask toddlers to do something, make it fun
Phrase your directions so they sound fun and/or interesting. Try saying something like, “Pretty soon, it’s going to be time to make some holes in the paper cup so we can take it in your bath and play.” If you can’t come up with anything, you can suggest doing something he can look forward to after he’s done brushing his teeth, such as reading a favorite book.
Another way to get toddlers to follow directions is to try having his toys “talk” to him, so his stuffed lion might say: “I don’t want to lie on the rug. I want to be in the box with my friends.” Preschoolers love that. Although they often can’t stop themselves from saying “no,” you can help the “no” become a “yes” by making it easy and fun for them to cooperate.
How to avoid the “no” response
When you want small children to do what you ask, giving advance notice is often very effective: “In a little while, it will be time to…”
It’s also important to watch how you phrase directions to preschoolers. Most parents say something like, “How about picking up your toys?” or “Do you want to come inside now?” when it’s not really a choice. Toddlers are so literal that they hear it as a question, which they answer with “no.” Instead, try phrasing it as a fun and/or interesting request, not as a question, such as, “Let’s play clean-up.”
Five tricks to preventing tantrums
Reinforce Good Behavior. Quite often parents address stubborn behavior with coercive tactics. It is true that you must discipline bad behavior and that children must learn there are consequences for actions. However, even adults are more likely to be motivated by praise and the promise of reward than simply by a threat. “Catch a child being good,” as the old saying goes, and praise him for what he does right. Create a chart and place stars on it when the child completes a task and provide some reward or privilege as an incentive to reinforce desired behavior.
Focus on Results. Parents should try to avoid turning strategies that deal with stubborn behavior into a win-lose proposition. It’s true that parents must establish authority. However, it can also be productive to focus on the desired results; make the discipline or reward about the behavior desired. In other words, make the child a partner in the enterprise. Put a child in the driver’s seat by making her understand that she can effect the outcome in a positive manner by showing cooperation.
Explore Feelings. Stubborn behavior is not always rebellion. It may be the result of some inner frustration, poor self-image or stress in the child’s life. You may find it beneficial to use role-play, playtime or art to discern what a child is feeling. The stubborn behavior may be the result of displaced frustration over family tension and not rebellion.
